Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Too Loud-OLD

I lived in a state of extreme volume
Constant screaming and competing for loudest tends to make me shout more than most
It's funny
I've been told since birth that I was always a bit too noisy
My voice seemed to echo and reverberate off of every wall like plaster and poster board confessionals recorded each memory my lips transcribed to the universe
no wonder it's so loud in my life when every thought is captured and put on repeat in each 4 walled recollection 
It took me until I was 16 to learn that no one else could hear them
Or me
I was being berated and belittled by battered and broken consciousness 
My own worst enemy lives in every mirror and reflection
I've been shouting at myself since birth so loud that my existence is one long scream into the short night.
A symbolic representation of my flawed existence
My life is loud and chaotic
Like a firecracker exploding on the 4th of July
I was only meant to exist in small doses
I wasn't supposed to let my depression consume me, but I still sat down to dinner with it
Whispered sweet nothings to the abyss and signed the cheque like an autopsy report
My toe tag and body bag like a wrapped present with a bow
I've been deaths gift to humanity since the dawn of time
A broken human being to compare happiness to
When you spend your whole life screaming at the world but begging for silence
It's scary when the voices finally go quiet
Because you realize the only person who's been yelling this whole time, was you. 
When it could have been silence all along 
And the only cost, is some wrapping paper and a bow

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