Mom-OLD

She used to be a daredevil

Not like Evil Knieval

But by the time she graduated 

she'd flown through personal rings of fire

And found she liked the smell of gasoline

It wasn't the danger that she enjoyed

It was the feeling of weightlessness

That momentary tingle in the back of your head when you're standing on the edge of a cliff 

Its the difference between feeling alive

And knowing it

Heights never scared her

Injuries? An accepted side effect

So imagine her surprise when a doctor told her that she would live with prescription problems for the rest of her life

her heart had decided to stop living

Still beating, but broken, I guess the rib cage wasn't enough confinement 

So it locked you away in the house

An agoraphobic artery pumping powerhouse

Trapped in the body of a traveler

I remember the first time you couldn't stand

You tried to get up from a chair in the living room, and your pulse jumped to just under 200.

I remember the first time I came home from school to nana

I knew it was serious when dad couldn't leave your side.

I knew it was serious after each absent diagnosis over the coming months 

I knew

That you just wanted to jump again

Stand on cliff edges and feel that tingle in the back of your head

I was scared.

But I never lost faith

Because you had those rings of fire in your eyes that screamed volumes to your strength

You had scars from car crashes and peace corps that would still tell the stories of your gambles with death

Like a game of gin with the grim reaper,

You got dealt a bad hand.

Told by your doctors that they knew what was wrong finally

Inappropriate

Sinus

Tachycardia

That last word may be one of the first I remember learning how to spell

But you lived it's meaning everyday after

Your heart had thrown in the towel 

Soon, each cliff greeted you with a paralyzing adrenaline response similar to being kidnapped

Each ring of fire seemed a little smaller, and the flames seemed a little hotter

My mom 

Is a daredevil

Not like Evil Knievel

But she has danced with death enough times just on her morning commute to cease fearing him

She may not be able to climb as high as she used to, but she still grips the rungs on the ladder

A defiant message from a part of you that knew your disease wouldn't defeat you

It just changed the game