Mirrored Confessions-Old (Half finished)

Have you ever stood in mirrored confessionals and whispered lies to the parts of you that wants to change?

I have

See, I have a tendency to dwell in the shadows of my darkened memory lane

Paying homage and sacrifice to the origins of my personality profile 

I manage to highlight my flaws in incandescent yellow streaks like someone tearing through my misgivings with the editing scrutiny of an overworked Ivy League professor 

But when you offered to help me edit, 

I began to let myself see them as guidelines to improvement

Managed to put positive spins on each aspect of my broken down life

Like selling a totaled car fresh off the lot 

It was never gonna work

No matter how many coats of fresh paint you put on my persona

You can still see the cracks in my frame

I've been playing hide and seek for 19 years just waiting for someone to come looking 

I never asked you to care

I didn't want you to notice when I skip from location to location and reality to fantasy 

Slipping in between the heart beats

My transition from spectator to specter is predetermined to be earlier than expected 

I didn't think you'd notice my attempt to slip into the express lane 

To leave behind these highlighter scars that leak from every cut on my conscience until I bleed flaws into the past present and future

So that I can stand in mirrored confessionals and whisper lies to the part of me that wants to change.