Paintings

i’ve stood in the eye of a hurricane

and held lighting rods to thunderstorms just waiting for that surge of confidence

I tend to seek out risk

but when i saw you painting mirrors like canvases

and trying to change the colors of your soul to match the outfits of those around you

i knew i had to chase the tornado of a lifestyle you like to create

put on my rain boots and poncho

it’s like sprinting headlong off a cliff, and trusting that there’s water beneath to catch you

even when you know the river dried up a long time ago.

you spoke of shame

and guilt

but pride in those emotions shows bright like fire in your eyes.

You like knowing that the world wants you to be in anguish

because it makes the freedom you feel instead that much more powerful

The beauty in your independence is like a banksy graffiti on a national monument

evoking pride and a bitter taste of the mistakes we have made to get here

I need you to hand me your paintbrush

See, you have been dyeing every part of your being from your past to your personal beliefs

each time following a paint by numbers until you fit perfectly in the lines of someone else’s manic pixie dream girl

i think its time you let someone paint you the way they see you

not the way they want you to be

Of course, trying to capture your essence is similar to attempting to drink the ocean in one gulp

so much work to do

and you know it’s nearly impossible

but that momentary belief is enough to try it anyways

so until i drown

Know this

I dont want you

I dont want to own you

i dont want to be you

i just want to understand you

like a Rubiks cube with a broken smile that you’ve been trying to line up again

it never looks the same after you take the packaging off

like somehow the fact that its been attempted before makes it scarier

Trusting never comes easy, but you can't let your past define you

And it's that much more fun at the thought of a challenge

so complicated at first sight

but once you’ve begun

it’s like a symphony

each movement working in harmony to make something enjoyable

the outcome is a masterpiece by all definitions

a masterpiece. a captivating creation of passion

its art

or so you told me

i guess i’ve lost sight

blind to the galleries of expression put on display each time you smile

like a free ticket to the louvre

but keeping your back turned to the mona lisa

i’ve begun painting mirrors too

because it is easier to plaster a smile on my face

than to jump headfirst into natural disasters

I’ve been leaping from volcanoes to fault lines

but it’s getting harder to find a toehold

I’m worried the coming tidal wave may crush me flat

and the waters are getting choppy

so my question is,

have you ever stood in the eye of a hurricane before?

Do you want to know what it’s like to feel electricity crackle on your skin with each lighting rod?

would you surf this tsunami with me?

because i’d like to stop painting mirrors

and start painting you instead