Male image poem

I'm in a bit of a rush

on the way to the gym

I mean the mall

no wait

the pet store

to get a puppy

and the a motorcycle

but a therapist to talk about my feelings

right after I bench 500 lbs.

….no....wait.....i think I am just gonna take a nap

I am so tired of the one sided argument

Women see themselves as having to fit into a perfect type

the woman who cooks but can also be a killer size 2 and wants to spend time with their men, while letting them go out with their friends.

I agree ladies that we hold you to ideals unfit for humanity

but you also expect us to be a picture perfect image straight out of a photoshopped hallucination

Every little girl should get her prince charming, but when the prince wants the perfect princess it is sexist.

I try to fit ideals made in hollywood photo shoots

have the body of ryan gosling

be able to handle a gun like a garden

manicure and murder

you want the controlled troubled bad ass who secretly enjoys bird watching and knitting

the strong but sensitive

I can honestly promise that I will spend my life trying to find someone who likes me for me

but I will still feel bad about myself even when they don't.

Media has made me feel inadequate for not being superhuman

I can try to fit this perfect image but there is one catch

I can't act like I don't try.

I can't pretend my mile time is 4:30 naturally.

I can't say that I didn't spend 20 minutes just trying to figure out the exact best and witty lines to impress you

I can't say it is fair

but everyone knows prince charming was divorced when he didn't fulfill cinderella's expectations.

So sleeping beauty found him a broken man and thought she could fix him

but the second he started slacking she saw his cracks were manufacturer made

and she didn't want to fill out the mail in rebate

he was forgotten like an old model car broken down and beaten

because he couldn't keep running ended up with a belly that didn't sport fully developed pectorals and abdominals

calves and thighs

I know more about the muscles meant to be sculpted as if my name was david and my father was michelangelo.

Than I do about the subjects I need to pass to get into a good college to pass my classes and be succesful to be a provider so that we never fall on hard times. But I better be a boss or CEO since I can't expect her to be a stay at home mom, and yet I can't expect her to have a job either, and I can't be unemployed, but I also can't choose work over my family so I should be ready to be a stay at home working dad with high salary and endless free time

I might as well fall down dead or be ready to be a

dad

husband

employee

employer

college graduate

bad ass

no criminal record

My gravestone will be longer than the love notes I BETTER have written her

oh, and a NATURAL killer in bed.

because if I have too much practice I have been sleeping around

better be faithful while understanding that she will always have a right to assume the worst of me

I was found guilty before innocent in a court with no jury and a biased judge

but if the woman cheats, I daresay it is my fault

I must not have been giving her what she wants. Not listening to her needs. But I don't have time to question why she slipped away

because I am on my way to the gym

I mean the mall

no wait

the pet store

because I ran away from home which means I need a new collar and some diet dog food

so that I can keep my societal image up