poem to the rapist who raped my friend

do you remember her name?
do you regret it?

do you care?

i swear to god these questions need answers

and they are the first of many

many to come

i wont take this lightly

i wont play nice with you

because you didnt play nice with her

i bet you never thought i would find out

bet you never thought i would hear her open up to the darkest place

and reveal the violence she experienced at your hand

you scared her

you scarred her

she hides this broken tissue under makeup

covers up the bruises faint enough to be hidden, but present enough to use as a reminder

did you feel your own soul die each time she cried no

no

please no

god no

SHE SAID NO

but you were content to hear consent in her silenced screams she couldnt make a sound and stood frozen. you took her lack of motion as an easy target and claimed your "prize"

didnt care she was just a freshman naive

she believed you when you told her “no. I’m gay”

“my family will be home”

“it is gonna be a movie night”

she believed and was baited

now broken and bruised

and you had the nerve

to text her after she escaped the bed you threw her on

after you pulled her clothes off

after you did everything but….

she refuses to say the word

like you managed to slam a padlock on her innocence

so trapped in your own ignorance

i bet you even rationalized her rape

repeated each cue line like you had been rehearsing your whole life

time to take center stage you proudly defend “she was dressed provocatively”

“she secretly wanted it”

“she came onto me”

“it was my birthday”

now this last one is the only one that was true

it was your birthday

you turned 18

became just adult enough to ruin someones life

she was 14

14 when you stripped her of her dignity

14 when you almost managed to force your lies between her thighs

she is too scared to press charges

too scarred to press charges

a 14 year old girl who learned the definition of PTSD

she will keep going to therapy for what you did to her

she can recall vivid images

details

like how you kept boxes of baseball cards memorizing statistics to save your life

like how ken griffy junior batted 311

and you could rely on 57

57 percent of rapists are found innocent

and less than 10 percent of rapes are even reported

i only wish she had retorted

the worst part was that i knew you

i talked to you

i shook hands at open mics and exchanged pleasantries

let you hear the most private parts of my soul

and when i learned you raped her private parts and killed her soul

my first thought was shock

followed by awe

not aww like fireworks

or awe like wonder

but aww as in “AWWW HELL NAW”

how dare you call yourself human

how dare you call yourself a poet

how dare you stand before survivors and victims and pretend that you sympathize more with this side of the heinous crime you decided was alright to try on a little girl only now reaching the mend

not knowing her friend

knew you

knows you

her friend who would much rather handle this the old fashioned way

with a back to back walk

10 paces turn and fire

but i guess i will have to just shoot you with this poem

load my pen with ink like bullets born from legend

and put my soul behind each trigger

squeeze lightly

and wait for you to say no

wait for you to beg for your life

wait for you to be filled with the fear of staring at someone who doesnt care about your life

but has the ability to end it

wait for you to feel

exactly like she felt

before you pulled the trigger

and killed her childhood in one squeeze