i have spent so much time thinking of you,
i am beginning to realize cupid wears diapers because he is so full of shit and lies,
that he may as well be a politician playing off feelings of pity and pain
to pass legislature allowing love to be classified as a political party,
but in this party there is no reason to celebrate when it is clear love condones organ failure, because my heart stopped pumping after it heard loves propaganda promising it to be different promising you to be different.
i wish i could plug my heart beat into stereo system speakers so you could try to hear rhythm in my flatline
it’s time to tell you the truth
i have written you poems to impress you
i have spent hours scrawling lines of metaphor and simile attempting to liken you to everything beautiful
and i have said time and again that you are different than the others
that we would be perfect
but when you start writing from the heart, it often lies
the truth lies in common sense
not the pamphlet written by thomas payne
but the pain written about in every health class pamphlet
chances are
we wont be different
chances are you wont be the woman i spend the rest of my life with
we probably wont have the story book love life lied about in romantic thrillers
nicholas sparks will not write a 350 page book about us ending with a dramatic kiss in the pouring rain surrounded by destruction to show that “love can triumph all”
I HAVE SEEN NIGHTS IN RODANTHE
i have been to the beaches they described and watched as waves ebbed and flowed on to the sand
and i can say mere currents can destroy relationships
but cupid wants you to believe ours could withstand tsunamis to rival sea walls
i wont lie to you anymore
however, i want you to know why i lied before
why it took me until now to explain my words may have misled
it is because i was afraid you would only see the negatives of the truth
wouldnt realize what i was really saying by writing you this poem
wouldnt realize what i am trying to say about us
we likely wont be different
but i am willing to spend my life proving that idea wrong
and that we may end badly
but it would be worth it just to get to know you
that we probably arent destined for a happily ever after together
but i want you to be part of my story at least
it may not be rational to write this for you given the odds we face
but i have always been far from rational and VERY odd
and though we may not be a storybook romance
or have a fiery relationship ignited by nicholas sparks
i want to spend every minute getting as close to that as possible
and i am willing to bet my love, my life, my time, and my heart on the off chance we will be different
but most importantly
i want to believe in love again
and you make me do that
so maybe that says something about being different
and hopefully that goes to show
that though we may not end up together forever
the time we have will never be looked upon with regret
because each line jotted in this notebook
is a promise that i will work my hardest to make us “different” than all the others
if nothing else
we will at least have each other
and the time we spent being perfectly normal for once
but none of this means a thing
when i cant even let you read what i wrote about you in these notebooks
when i cant let you know how i feel about you each time i see you
when i am so afraid
not that we wont be different
but that we wont have a chance to be
